It's My Life!

Weekend of rest

2005-04-30T16:52:00.000-07:00

This weekend is going to be my lazies weekend. My body has gone through a lot of stress in the past month and finally I get a chance to just hang out and relax.

Went to Target today and bought some Mother's Day cards to send out next week. I also went to Old Navy and bought an outfit that I will save for a warmer day. Now I'm home, on the couch and enjoying my time to myself. I was supposed to go to another going away party for an ex co-worker tonight, but this is the third one that he's has so far and I just don't feel like celebrating for the 3rd time. So I think I'll pass on that one. Last night I went to my brothers to watch a movie which was nice to finally hang out with them like I used to.

Tonight I'm going to just hang out here, maybe watch a movie and get some good sleep :)

Goodnight

Christina

2005-04-24T18:22:00.000-07:00

Christina and Elise

She's in Heaven

2005-04-24T18:00:00.000-07:00

Hi all, I haven't written in a long while. Elise has been my main focus therefore haven't had the chance to write.

Elise was born on March 19th, 2005 and passed away on April 23rd, 2005. Her life here on earth was very short filled with lots of love and comfort. She was precious. My last chance holding her was April 21st which I charished deeply. I was able to say my goodbyes that night which turned out to be the last time I was able to see her alive. It was a happy/sad day for me. I was happy to see her and to hold her for the last time however, that night was filled with many tears as she lay in my arms knowing it was goings to be her last.

These next couple of days are going to be spent with my family and my sister-in-laws family together to greive the loss and to comfort eachother. My brother and Abby are one of the strongest people that I know. To go through all of this and still manage to take care of their son is awesome.

Elise has touched so many of our lives and has brought our family together like no other. I was talking on the phone to a friend and he said something that put a positive spin on all of this. He said, "This is going to happen to all of us, it just happend to her sooner than later" It did. We are all destined to die sometime in our lives it's just that God chose to take her sooner than later for some reason. Only God knows why. One of my co-workers said, "She will now be able to see, hear and do all the things that she couldn't do here on earth".

Goodnight to all of you.

Christina

Update

2005-03-28T05:28:00.000-08:00

Elise's condition hasn't gotten any better. Her pH level is low and she still can't swallow, cough or anything regarding that. These functions are controlled by the brainstem which her MRI showed a bit of a concern in that area. I think I might have failed to mention that before. Sorry. They are still feeding her breast milk via IV and I believe that it's through her bellybutton. She also developed pnamonia(sp) because she can't cough up anything from her lungs. So everything is just sitting there. The nurses suck her out but they can only get so much. She's now moved to an open incubator type thing because the closed one was making her too hot. I haven't been there for a while because I developed this cold. It's almost over and I'm happy because then I can go and see her :) . I think I covered everything, if not, it'll show up next time.

Elise has been in my mind 24/7 and I can't seem to not think about her. I'm in a way placing my life on hold to take care of Marek and support Marcus and Abby. It's really cool how this support system works and how this brings family together. It has brought perspective to my own life.....my life really isn't that complicated at all and the things that I complained about before really don't matter......here is someone who just came into this world and is dealing with things that I haven't ever had to deal with. Life is too short.

Elise

2005-03-25T22:28:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been a rollercoaster of emotions for me starting last Saturday up until now. It's been very eventful to say the least, but not the kind of events that you want.

Beginning last Saturday, Abby went into labor, there were complications, Elise, new niece, went directly into ICU and was put on a respirator. Later that day, was taken off. That night, she was said to have a seizure. I learned about it Sunday morning because I called Gail, Abby's mother, to see when we were going to go to the hospital to see Elise, Abby and Marcus. That day was filled with crying and hoping that everything would turn out okay. I believe that Sunday night she was put back on the respirator because she couldn't breathe on her own and also was put back on the oxygen tube. Monday it was the same.....but I believe that they found bile in her stomach, still couldn't breathe so stayed on the respirator and she's not swallowing which means that she's being fed throught an IV via her belly button. Tuesday came and went without any answers. Thursday came and her MRI results came in....the were normal. She was also taken off the respirator and the bile was gone from her stomach. Her blood oxygen level was back to normal. So all was good, she was making a 180 recovery. Friday, today came and the doctor became concened because her muscle mass is low and she's still not able to swallow. She has no gaging reflex yet despite all of this, her EEG seemed to look okay however, the doctor is sending it to another doctor to examine it just to be sure he's not missing anything. So they are confused because MRI and EEG seem good yet she's still having these problems. They can't fit her into a category and are now trying to find a reason why. Next week, she will have another EEG to see if it will make any imporvements.

It's a waiting game. When everything seems to be okay, something goes wrong. So we are taking it day-by-day.

With all of the above said, I've learned something from all of this. Life is too short. Family is the best support you can have. Support comes from people where you least expect it. This also puts my own life into perspective. There are things that I have worried about that are so small and maybe a waste of my time to worry about.

Goodnight to you all.....Please keep Elise, Marcus and Abby in your thoughts.

Weekend

2005-03-20T17:05:00.000-08:00

I get a call from my dad at 9:10am on Saturday morning, he lets me know that Abby had her baby and it was followed with a 'but'. My dad began to tell me that there were complications during the delivery. Elise, my new niece, was put into the ICU right on the spot. When she was born, she came out blue but soon turned pink within a few seconds. She was then crying and moving like any normal new born. What happened was her umbilical cord was pinched and I won't get into the details out of respect for my sister-in-law.

I was scared for Elise and was feeling horrible for my brother and sister-in-law. Today, Sunday, they came home from the hospital and was greated by Marek, my nephew. They had time to see eachother again. Elise is still in ICU and is now off the oxygen tube that they put into her nose. Great news!

It's a wait and see game as far as this goes. I will keep you updated. Keep her in your prayers.

Have a good night!

My Weekend

2005-03-14T05:44:00.000-08:00

I had a great relaxing weekend. Friday night I came home and worked on my teaching applications. I believe I have 7 sent out now and still working on 8 more. Arg....I just want to be done with them. Applications that all ask for the exact same information 15 times gets kind of tiresome. Oh well, nothing is easy in life. :)

Saturday I got up, worked on my applications again and finally got 2 done. :) I talked on this internet phone, Skype, I don't know if you've heard of it or not. It's pretty cool, you can talk to anyone for free as long as it's computer to computer. So I talked to Sa'ad, I met him through Jakub once when he was talking to him at his apartment. So after we broke up, I got this feeling to e-mail him. So that was, I don't know 2-3 weeks ago? So anyway, we've exchanged e-mails and chatted on messenger and finally called eachother. We talked for maybe a couple of hours.....I'm sure we would have talked for more, but the 7 hour time difference gets in the way :) After, I went to work out, and was on my way over to Jakub's to watch movies. He borrowed his works projector so it was like watching it at the movies, but on a smaller scale. I was there unitl 2:30am. Finally got home around 3 and went straight to bed.

Sunday, I found myself talking to Sa'ad for 5 hours!! It's crazy how the time just flies. So I finally got up, took a shower and ran to the grocery store at 5pm. Hehe...lazy day :) Oh yeah, I took pictures of my eyes last night, macro shots. I can't believe how close you can get! So anyway, it's 7:56am and I need to get into the shower and get ready for work.

Have a great day!

My date

2005-03-10T16:37:00.000-08:00

Went on my date last night. I had a great time. He was really nice and had great converstaion, however, I didn't feel there was any chemistry. So I let him know and he responded okay. It was just the first date and all so I didn't expect him to get all bent out of shape or anything. So it began well and ended well. There are still some more fish in the sea, just have to wait :)

I was going to go workout tonight, but I decided to come home instead and work on some applications to send in to schools. I will be sending about 15+ applications along with my resume out so I'm hoping that I'll get something. I'm also sending them to other states to greater my chances of getting a job. If nothing comes about them, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I'll have to find something else. I can't be in my current situation for the rest of my life let along even a year longer.

Not a whole lot has been going on here. As for this weekend, Jakub and I are planning to watch a movie using a projector that he'll check out from work. I've never watched a movie through one of those before so we'll see how it goes. I'm going to go over there around 3-4pm on Saturday. As for the rest of the weekend will be spent filling out applications. I really need to get them done. I really can't wait any longer.

So anyway....I'm going to get working on those now so have a great night!!!

2005-03-06T20:02:00.000-08:00

St. Croix River. Jakub took this picture....he's a great photographer :)

2005-03-06T19:55:00.000-08:00

Today at Afton State Park. What a great day to hike around. :)

Afton State Park

2005-03-06T19:29:00.000-08:00

This morning I got up around 8:30, cleaned my apartment and jumped online to see if Steve wrote yet, check e-mail and to just dink around on the internet. Jakub messaged me and we decided to go to Afton State Park since neither of us were doing anything today and it was going to be 54 degrees! So it was a great day to get out and enjoy. These warm days don't come that often in the winter so you have to take advantage of them!

Now I know that I said that i wasn't going to see Jakub anymore, but I wanted to give it a try. I wasn't nervous like I was before, it was almost like I was going with any other person. So I felt okay. I wasn't wrong at all. We had a great time hiking around and taking pictures. We talked, joked and laughed. It really was a good time. I'm thinking that I'm okay since I didn't come home today wishing it was different. I think I'm okay to be his friend now. I'm happy about that because he is a fun person to be around.

Nate called me this evening and we talked for about 45 min. He seems like a good person despite the fact that he's a Bush supporter. :) I'm not a fan of Bush, however, I'm not that political either. So it really doesn't matter all that much other than it could be good conversation. So anyway, we just talked small talk and i didn't expect much more. I really don't like this beginning business of getting to know eachother because it tends to be uncomfortable. Maybe I should have a better outlook on it because it should be fun, right???? So anyway, we are going out on Wednesday after work. Which is the perfect day becasue that's my off day as far as working out goes. So, we are going out on Wednesday for dinner and we aren't sure where yet. Maybe mexican would be good!

So today i was talking to Jakub about you, Steve, and it felt so weird. Let me explain. It's weird to get to know someone over reading and commenting on a person's life. It's funny how much you do learn and know about someone that you have never met before. I mean, you and I are 7 hours away living in different countries yet I can talk about you like we see eachother everyday. So I was talking about you for some reason.....Oh....he brought up a co-worker of mine who has a blog, then he asked if I still wrote in mine which lead me to tell him about you. I told him about you when I first started, so it's not like he never heard of you.....but I told him that you and I talk on this blog thing still. I had to stop myself becasue it was really weird to actually hear it. It's a weird thing to think about. I never really talk about you to anyone, it's kind of just a thing that I do every day now. Like you said, it's apart of my every day routine. Anyway, I hope that doesn't offend you in any way because it's not meant to. So I asked him if he reads mine....he said that he's forgotten about it so I guess that means no. I've always wondered if he did.

Steve, the feeling is mutual, you said it perfect. I hope that you do try to blog when you are abroad. There's free internet in coffee shops....Dunn Brothers is one of them just so you know, that is if you end up in the states. They are called hotspots here so you can always search or I can search for you. If you do end up in the states for however long, maybe I will try to get to where ever you are so we can actually meet. That would be weird. Months of blogging and we meet. :))))))

Have a good night!!!!

Weird names!!!!!

2005-03-05T19:52:00.000-08:00

Haha....that's too funny. Kuba is a pseudo name for his real name which is Jakub. Actually it's not even a pseudo name, it's short for Jakub. He's from Poland so he has this cute little accent. :) Nate isn't a weird name over here....it's short for Nathan. For some reason I had this feeling that someone in my family would find this blog and I didn't want anyone to know it was me. Well I spoiled it by putting my picture on here so....whatever now. I tried to search for my blog online and couldn't find it so I think it's pretty safe :)

I started to read a new book. It's called Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. I'm about 20 pages or so into the book and I like it so far. It's about those quick decisions that we all make and how they are right most of the time. If we just learn to listen to them, we'll be better off. I also think it's your gut feeling which I'm getting better and reading. I'm excited to get more into it and I'll let you know how it is when i get done with the book.

Well, it turns out that I'm not going on a date tomorrow afterall....what he meant was that he was going to call me on Sunday and we'll talk about when to get together next week. SO pressure's off. So anyway. That's that.

Not too much is going on so I'm going to say goodnight!

Keeping an open mind

2005-03-04T16:34:00.000-08:00

Okay so today was the day that he asked me out on a date. So we are getting together on Sunday. I'm nervous and excited at the same time. I'm nervous because first dates are normally uncomfortable, don't know what to say, what if it turns out bad....I don't know...they are just weird like that. I'm excited because I can't wait to meet someone new!!!! It's good to go on a date with someone that was recommended because at least they know both of you and are able to match people who are alike. Maybe not though. So I don't know, we'll see when it comes :)

Another weekend, it's come really quick. Tonight I'm just going to hang out and watch a movie. Tomorrow, I might go do some hiking with the Rovers, which is an outdoors club here in Minneapolis. I'm itching to get out and do something. Sunday I have the date with Nate. So I have a pretty good weekend ahead of me.

Not really too much to talk about right now. So I'll get going. Have to read about someone else's life now....Steve :)

Have a great night!

One more thing....

2005-03-02T19:30:00.000-08:00

I don't have a good feeling about this guy that my co-worker is setting me up with. I don't feel the connection through e-mails. That may sound weird but it's true.

Hump Day!!!!

2005-03-02T14:35:00.000-08:00

Hello...I am here but haven't been able to get a chance to write. Sorry!!!!

What a week. It's just been great so far. I'm so happy to be myself again. This week too much hasn't happened in my personal life. I've been enjoying the time by working out for the past two days but tonight I am taking off to #1 have a night off and #2 to babysit my nephew. My brother and wife won tickets to the T-wolves game so I was volunteered to babysit. I really have no problems doing it so it's all good.

Last night I watched The Village. I thought it was a good movie and thought it was going to be a really scary movie, but it turned out to just be creepy. Didn't have any nightmares last night so that's good!!! Tonight I'm going to watch Manchurian Candidate. I'm hoping that it's good....I hear that it is.

Yesterday, Kuba sent me 12 pics of his weekend with a female co-worker. Three of the 12 pics included them together which I really didn't want to see. I just can't believe that he sent the pictures to me. It obviously didn't mean anything to him and that's why he sent them, but I wish that he would have been a bit more considerate of my feelings, that's all. So I expressed this to him and I think he understands now. At least I'm hoping so. So that upset me yesterday, but 10 minutes later, I was fine.

So a co-worker is now going to set me up with someone. We've exchanged a couple of e-mails and he seems like a nice guy, but who knows. We may hit if off or we won't. It's a gamble that I'll have to take. I'm not even sure if we'll go out. I would rather get to know him in e-mails first rather than go on a date right away. Who knows, I may not even be ready yet. I'm probably not, but it's something to do right?

Oh yeah, and I forgot to tell you that I'm not going to Prague afterall. After a long talk with my dad, I have decided that I'm not financially secure, I have credit card debt and I would like to make sure that I have enough money to sustain myself for a couple of months just incase I need to. This is a future goal that I hope to achieve, so I'm not blowing off the idea totally. It's a money thing, and it's very stressful when you don't have a lot to begin with. So....while I'm here in the States, I'm going to look for a teaching job and send my resume to as many schools as I can. :)

With that said....have a good night all!!!!

Back on my feet

2005-02-27T07:47:00.000-08:00

This weekend has been great. I actually slept in on Saturday morning!!! I spent until 1 in the afternoon being lazy which felt so nice. Given my last weekend, full of hard work and getting up early....this was so nice. Went to the children’s museum with my brother and his family. Marek is soooo cute! He's growing so fast and learning so much. It wonderful to see all of that. Sunday, today, I got up at 7am for some reason and CLEANED my apartment which needed it. So now it's almost 10 and I still have the whole day. I'm actually going to babysit Marek this afternoon for a couple of hours while my brother and Abby, his wife, meet with the duella (spelling) about Abby's next delivery. She's going to have a girl, Elise, and is due April 3rd. She could actually have it in a couple of weeks if Elise decides to come early! I'm so excited. That's going to be my day. Probably going to come home and chill out for the night then.

Thanks Steven for your kind words. It really made my morning. You definitely have a way with words. So you took the time to write me a long response but neglected to write your own. Maybe it was yours for today :) One of these days we'll have to meet. I'm still going to go to Prague but I'm thinking in November where airfare is going to be cheaper. That'll give me some extra time to save $$$ since I'll need it. Maybe when I'm over there, I'll catch a plane to you or you to me. I hear Prague is a great city. :))))

With the help of Steven :) and myself, I have decided to not be so hard on myself. I am who I am, and I've said this many times before, so I shouldn't change my ways. I'm going to meet someone who's going to love the way I am. Steven???? hehe. I don't think it's a bad thing. Kuba missed out on an opportunity and will never have it again. I'm not one to keep going back into relationships that have ended. Actually I've never done that. They just never work out. I'm not saying I'm perfect I'm just saying that Kuba and I really had something, he knew it because we've talked about it many times. He wasn't perfect either, but I really like him and all that he was, even his insecurities. Life goes on.

Have a good one!!!!

Christina

Not myself

2005-02-24T19:13:00.000-08:00

Lately I haven't been feeling like myself. I'm not sure why. I'm thinking that maybe being alone is getting to me this week. My brother was with me all last week so it diverted my attention away from feeling anything. Which is good, because who wants to dwell on past relationships right? This week I have been dealing with the 'alone' factor of my life. I know it's just a phase that I'm going through because I know this isn't the worst thing I've gone through. It'll pass.

Breaking up with Kuba has really made me think of myself and how I am in relationships. It makes me wonder if how I am is one of the things that causes the breaking up. Through my relationships, I have realized that I put 100% in right away. I don't let the other person want to want me because I'm already there. I don't know why i do that. It's just me I guess. But I think it drives men away because they don't have to fight to get me type of thing. I'm not sure if I'm making any sense. To be honest, I have this problem where I don't let the guys that I date do things for me. I'm always doing things for them. Even the simplest of things. I also just get up and do things for myself too. I've been doing it for so long, I don't see why I can't do it. But I need to let them do things for be. It actually makes me feel uncomfortable when men do thing for me because it makes me feel like they think I can't do it for myself. Am I crazy or what? So I don't know. That's also been something that I've been dealing with. I think that's something that i need to change about myself. Which is fine, but it's really going to be hard adn I think that I need to find someone that going to help me through this instead of give up.

Goodnight!

Whew!

2005-02-23T18:33:00.000-08:00

Steven, I'm glad to see that you are back. :)

I don't know if you have seen the HBO series Six Feet Under, but it's a great show. I love it. It's a dark comedy and revolves it's show around each family memeber and how they are dealing with situations that arise in their lives all while running a funeral home. It's a hard series to describe, so I would recommend watching it.

Speaking of death, this subject has been the topic around work and my family. My stepmother’s dad just passed away a couple of weeks ago and a lot of my co-workers relatives have been passing away. I think it's been about 8-10 people that have died in the past couple of weeks. My good friend, Jaime, her grandmother is in a nursing home and is doing better now, but the family was thinking that she was going to pass away soon. Thankfully she didn't. Death is something that I don't think anyone can be ready for. It's something that I haven't had to deal with yet, and I'm really hoping that I don't in the near future. I think something really cool happens when the person who is dieing, actually dies. Let me try to explain myself. I have heard so many stories about what happens before people die. For example, my sister-in-laws grandmother passed away a year ago. I guess her grandmother used to watch Wheel-of-fortune every night at 6:30. When she was asked if she wanted the TV turned on to watch it, she said, "No, not tonight". Fifteen minutes later, she passed away. It's like she knew that she was going to die before Wheel-of-fortune came on. Very weird. I've heard of people seeing angles come for them before going. This leads me to believe that as we get older and out time comes to die, we know. I think it's just this feeling. To be honest, I'm excited to see what happens before death. I want to know what it feels like. I don't know, call me weird, but it's going to be a great experience. My question is, after we die, then what? Do we go to heaven or do we just die darkness. Do we all become these ghosts and share this world? I have no idea but I'm really anxious to find out. I think a lot of people are scared to die, but I'm not.

Hmmm....have no idea where that came from....that makes me sound like a depressed person... :) I'm really not, trust me.

Goodnight all!

Hmmmm

2005-02-21T04:17:00.000-08:00

I think Steven fell off the face of the earth, I haven't heard from him in a while. He hasn't logged for a while now. I'm wondering if he's okay.

2005-02-20T20:12:00.000-08:00

Check this link out......it took me about 7 minutes to figure it out :)

http://crux.baker.edu/cdavis09/roses.html#instructions

2005-02-20T19:39:00.000-08:00

Here's my nephew's, Marek, play area.

2005-02-20T19:34:00.000-08:00

Here's a picture of my soon-to-be new nieces room!

2005-02-20T19:31:00.000-08:00

Today getting ready to work on my brother's house :)

Week so far....

2005-02-19T06:24:00.000-08:00

As you can tell, I haven't blogged in a while. I have no idea why. I guess my reason is because I've just been busy. Now you're probably expecting to get this great long interesting blog. Nope. Not really has gone on this week in my personal/work life.

My brother was/is staying with me until Sunday, which is fun because I have someone to come home to now. I'm also ready for him to leave, not because we don't get along, but because I haven't had my own space for a while. Today we are heading over to his house, well actually for the next couple of days to put his house back together. It look so nice after his floors and walls got worked on. I'm so amazed. I'm nervous because I'm not always the most careful person when transferring things from one room to another. I'll have to try to be EXTRA careful this time :)

I'm still going to go to Czech Republic but I think I'm going to set the date back a bit. The time that I was thinking I would go was peak time. No wonder why the airfare was super expensive!!!! I looked in Oct and Nove and the airfare dropped about $300. I was shocked!!!! That's still in the planning :)

I'm going to get moving this morning, it's going to be a long day!

Have a great one!

Happy Valentines Day!

2005-02-14T14:47:00.000-08:00

Just want to wish you a Happy Valentines Day! :)

Thank You!

2005-02-12T17:22:00.000-08:00

Steven, you are awesome! Thanks so much for writing me that. It gave me a boost of energy that was needed. You are right, I need to close that chapter of my life and move on. I know that I shouldn't be seeing him. In my defense, I was really looking forward to that game because they were good seats. If that was worth me feeling that way for the next couple of days then I would probably say no. It wasn't worth it. It's hard not to see someone anymore after spending two months of seeing him almost every day and night. So I don't know, it's hard, but I think it's just a matter of me getting used to him and I not doing things together anymore.
Oh, the other day I told Kuba that I don't think I can see him anymore because it stirs up so many emotions within me. This was part our conversation......

......
cricri0924: You are going to leave
cricri0924: and I know you are
cricri0924: I don't think you are telling me the truth about how you feel
cricri0924: and that's why I'm having a hard time
cricri0924: whether it's good or bad I want to hear it
Kuba: ok - I will be concise
Kuba: I am not in love with you, I have never been
Kuba: I though you were a good candidate though
Kuba: and i really thought I can fall into you...
Kuba: but i didnt
cricri0924: I'm not in love with you either
Kuba: so.....
Kuba: I didnt feel alright knowing that you like me more
cricri0924: I'm not expecting you to fall in love with me in 2 months
Kuba: i dont like to feel that someone is giving so much and feeling not exactly the same from the other side
Kuba: and I didnt want you to be with someone who is not sure whether you are the ONE or maybe there something better around the corner
Kuba: my problem is though that I have been very hesitant
Kuba: but yet, such thoughts should not appear in my mind that ofter - but they were interlacing with thoughts that you are a great person so what else do I need
Kuba: I really felt unfair doing that to you - or rather not being 100% with you
Kuba: and I think i developed some kind of hurting-other fear.....
Kuba: I am affraid of the resposibility in case things go wrong
Kuba: I don't like to hurt others
Kuba: thats why I can't be with you when i have hesitant thoughts crossing my mind...
Kuba: it would calm my mind knowing that you were taking it easy too, i would even mind if you felt less than I did - then maybe i would have tried harder
Kuba: but knowing that you are there and I am not THERE really does suck!
Kuba: And i sometimes doubt, whether this decision was good, you are one heck of great personality!, but then I remember my thoughts about it and I can't really, honestly let me be with you - you don't deserve it!
Kuba: well noone does really - unless they are both at the same stage...
Kuba: thats all I ve got to say

It makes sense to me as to why he broke up with me now. It hurts to hear this but I need to hear it otherwise I can't move on. It hurts to be rejected that's all.

So anyway!!!! On a better note, I had a great day today. My brother, Marcus, and I went and got him some shoes at the Mall of America. I looked for shoes also, but didn't find anything. We then went to the Y and worked out and then play some basketball. We played 21 and he beat me both times. We did other things after we worked out and went back to my apartment made taco's for dinner and now I'm digesting :)

I had a good night last night also. My co-workers b-day was yesterday so we went out to eat and went out to some bars and danced. It was a great time. We went to First Avenue which was playing hip-hop stuff, we didn't stay there too long because Melissa didn't really like it to much. So we decided to go to Gay 90's which was tons of fun! Yes, it's a gay bar :) Lots of fun if you've never been to one before. We stayed until closing, 2am, and they had to drag me out of there....kidding.....I would have liked to stay out longer, but nothing was open anyway. I'm hoping to get pictures from that night, so I'll post when I get them. I think there's only one.

So anyway, this is getting really long. Too long for my liking.

Have a great night!

2005-02-10T20:09:00.000-08:00

Me at the Minnesota Science Museum :)

Down Day

2005-02-10T15:35:00.000-08:00

Last night I went to a basketball game, Timberwolves vs Nuggets, with Kuba. This was something that we had planned for a while now so I was excited to go. Another reason was to actually see him for the first time in almost a full week of not seeing him.

On my drive to his apartment, I had tickles in my stomach and I was actually getting nervous as if this was the first date or something. I was actaully shaking for some reason. I have no idea why. It's not like I've never seen him before or haven't spent a lot of time with him. It was weird. The night went fine. We had a good time, not like old times, but it was fun. I was kind of cold towards him the whole night, not a whole lot of eye contact, sat away from him instead of into him while watching the game. I felt bad, but I am still upset and I don't think he deserves much more from me.

Today, I wasn't feeling my best emotionally. This weekend was my lowest point, which is normal it was still close to when he broke up with me. But Mon, Tues, and even Wed, I was in better spirits. Then after seeing him, today my spirits sunk a bit. I think it's because I know that it's closed and probably never going to re-open. So it just set in more so today than the previous days. I'm just hoping that this weekend I can start the process of closure all over again. It just when I see him, it opens the doors again for possibility. It weird because it was only a couple of months that we were together and I'm feeling this strong about the situation.

Life goes on.

My brother is staying the week with me because his hardwood floors are being buffed starting today. So tonight up unitl next Saturday he'll be living with me in my one bedroom apartment. I think it's going to be a good time. I'm looking forward to it. :)

Well, I have 10 more minutes of work.

Have a great night!

Little Black Book

2005-02-08T19:31:00.000-08:00

While sitting at my brother's babysitting my nephew, Marek, I watched a movie, "Little Black Book". I will have to say it was a good movie. It's really got me thinking about my relationship with Kuba. Well, the relationship that I had with him. Sometimes things happen that you just can't justify in any way. Kuba broke up with me for reasons that just don't make sense to me. But maybe they are not supposed to make sense to me. Do I have to understand everything that happens in my life? Sometimes things just happen and there is no reason. For whatever reason, Kuba broke up with me, he couldn't even explain it. He broke up with me because he thought it was the right thing to do and maybe it was. I feel like I'm going in circles.......I guess this all boils down to, everything happens for a reason. So I think something good is going to come out of this. I'm not sure what it is, but I'll just sit here and wait.

Another thing that this movie made me think of is that sometimes you have to stop searching and just let it come to you. I'm not talking about significant others, I'm talking about anything. I'm not really happy with the way that my life has ended up after I graduated from college. I have been looking hard for a teaching job but haven't found one yet. Then this opportunity comes along where I can teach in Europe. Maybe this is something that I'm supposed to do. Who knows what this will bring to me, but I think I should just try. See what happens. The worst that will happen is that I come back to the states and start all over. Not too bad. I will be gaining a lot of experience and having fun while doing it. I'll be able to visit place that I've never been before and might not get the chance to do in the future.

Alright, I'm not sure what I'm trying to prove.....but it's out there :)))

One more thing, Steven I hope you are doing alright, I haven't heard from you in a while. Let me know that you are doing well, okay?

Goodnight everyone!

Steven where are you?????

2005-02-08T07:26:00.000-08:00

STEVEN....Where are you????? I'm missing you!!!!! :))))))

I'm going to assume that you are still trying to get that new laptop of yours to work? You got you laptop last week I thought so I would assume that you would have it up and running by now.

Hope to hear from you soon!!!!

2005-02-07T17:19:00.000-08:00

It's me!!! HAHA.....Okay I think I figured out how to do this......I don't need to use this 'Hello' program I downloaded......duy!!!!!!

Okay maybe I do need some help. I'm not sure how to do this without using the program I downloaded. Steve help!!!!!! :)

It's Monday already????

2005-02-07T14:31:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone! I can't believe that it's Monday already. The weekend sure went by quick. I was busy helping my brother get his house ready to have the walls fixed, hardwood floors buffed, walls painted and I think that's it. I was over there from 9-5 both Saturday and Sunday. It was fun to help him out and all of that, but I didn't have any me time to get my apartment cleaned and do laundry which has to happen tonight!

Today is just another day at work but one day closer to going to CZ. I mentioned it to my brother and sister-in-law this weekend and their response was positive. My sister-in-law sees that I'm not happy with where my life is right now so she said whatever makes you happy. So I was happy to hear that. I have my interview on the 16th of this month so that'll for sure let me know if I'm going. I'm sure everything will turn out fine :)

I think I might be adding some pictures. I'm kind of nervous because no one knows about this except for me and probably a total of two others that actually know me. I don't write anything too personal on here, but I could and I would hate for people to see it that aren't supposed to :) I'll probably add something tonight when I get done from work.

This weekend it dawned on me that I'm not happy about where my life has taken me and that's probably why I'm heading off to CZ to clear things up in this little head of mine. I'm thinking that I can come back new and improved. If I don't, it was a great experience.

So my mom is really bothering me. My parents are divorced and it's be about 10 years now and she's still not over it. My dad has since married, well 1 year after they got the divorce my dad was married so anyway. My dad is forced to give my mom alimony every month while my mom sits at home and doesn't work and plays around on the internet looking for some huge story that she can dramatize to us (brother, sis-in-law and me). Which pisses all of us off because the stories are NOT true. ARG! Not to mention she's crazy anyway, she thinks I'm pregnant now for some reason, she asked my brother and sis-in-law last week but never bothers to call me. I'm not pregnant so I'm not sure where she got that from. Last Friday she calls me on my cell phone while I'm at work 3 times in a row....then another 3 times in a row that night and finally Saturday 3 times in a row....so I called her back thinking that she had something really important to say and NOTHING. It was a 10 min conversation and that was it! Why the 3 calls!!!! She is so irritating. There's more to her than what I'm telling and it's a lot deeper than you would imagine. That's for another day. :)

So anyway.....50 minutes left before I get to leave.

Have a great night!

Steve.....where are you???? You haven't posted in a while!!!!! :))))))

Saturday is another day

2005-02-05T06:42:00.000-08:00

I'm about to go to my brothers today to help him work on his house. They are getting ready for their 2nd baby.....yes I'm going to be an Auntie again but this time to a niece :)) I'm going to be leaving in about 15 min so I think this willl give me enough time to blog.

Yes, I am sad about the whole break up; I hurts to be broken up with. I start to think that it's my fault, what did I do wrong. Blah....it's not my problem right? It was also the cleanest breakup ever. We just sat there and talked about it which was so nice not to leave all pissed off. The thing that I hate about breakups is the 'sugar coating'. Just tell me the truth, don't try to make me feel better. Everyone knows that women are the queens of analyzing things to death so you might as well just tell me because I'm going to go crazy wondering why anyway. I understand the whole point behind the 'sugar coating' but I just don't like it. Oh well, there's nothing you can do about it, it's the way people work.

I worked out last night, and let me tell you, it was the best workout. I haven't sweat this much for a while. I'm guessing I had some frustration to get out. I also played racketball for 30 before I did the ecliptical machine. I was just hitting that ball so hard, but then my wrist started to hurt so I stopped 'trying' to be rough. :)

Life goes on that's for sure. Hey the pictures worked!!!!! I know what you look like now and it's weird because for the past month you've just been some imaginary figure in my head. Maybe I'll put pics here. Well, I'm off to my brothers.

Have a great day!!!

It's over.....

2005-02-04T14:48:00.000-08:00

Well, last night marked the last day of our relationship as a couple. He broke up with me. I'm confused and sad at the same time. I really liked him a lot but I know that the feeling wasn't mutual. I remember him telling me this a while ago but he said that the wants to see where this goes. So we decided to go with the flow. I'm upset that it's over because I still don't want it to be over. When we talked last night I just got so confused about the whole thing. His reactions and emotions really didn't match what he wanted to do. So I got home and called him, like he asked me to, and we talked a bit more about the whole thing. Again, he couldn't even explain to me why. So I'm not really sure what's going on. It's really hard for me to not go over to his place. I have the strongest urge to go right now. But I'm going to try not to go....I think I can do it!!!! :)

Well, that's all for now....I'm going to go workout and then go home and dink around on the internet.

Goodnight if I don't come back on.

Feb 2nd

2005-02-02T15:04:00.000-08:00

Wow, it's been a while. Time sure does fly. Well, I'm going to say that maybe nothing has happened??? I don't know. Maybe I'm not as dramatic as other :)

Friday, I was feeling much better. I went to Kub's that night and hung out. Didn't do much because I wasn't feeling totally up to par. Saturday came rolling around and Kuba went out with some co-workers and I went home and sat on my couch all day. I wasn't feeling the best, pretty tired. Sunday, got up, took a shower and left for Kuba's. We did our taxes.....yes it's tax time again, I feel like just yesterday I was doing them!!!! Oh well, I'm getting some $$ back which I'm going to put right to my credit cards. Can't wait to get those paid off. NEVER START USING THEM!!!! We then ran to Target and I stayed the night. Well part of the night......

I couldn't sleep for some reason. I went to bed around 10:30 and then left his place that night and didn't get to my apartment until 1am. Yes, I left Sunday night. I didn't know what else to do because I was tossing and turning so much....I needed to go somewhere. So I went home. I finally got to sleep around 1:30 or so. ARG.

Started to work out again. Monday, I did weight lifting with Kuba. Yesterday, we played basetball in the gym which was really annoying. We were both shooting at the same basket but he kept shooting them when I was under getting my ball. In turn I would get hit by his ball.....so I move one court over. He decided to play with a group of guys that were playing a game. So I shot around until he was done. It's such a work out to play basketball. I forget how much I sweat!

Tonight, I'm going to put my TiVo Series 2 on Ebay :) I was looking today and I'm sure that I'll get at least $100 for it. Kuba is going to take pictures of it to make it more attractive and maybe it'll sell better :) .

So that's that. And I have my interview scheduled for Feb 16th at 7am!!!

Have a great night!!!!!

P.S. - Steve, I don't know how to delete it!!!!! Sorry !!! :)

Friday

2005-01-28T11:49:00.000-08:00

Wow, I'm finally feeling much better. It's about time. Today is the first day that I'm feeling good enough to get up and move around instead of lying on the couch or in bed all day. I'm telling you, it's such a relief to be out of bed.

I woke up and cleaned my apartment, which needed it. I haven't gotten into the shower yet, but am planning on it before the day's over :) I'm hoping to go to the Y tonight so I can go swimming.....it'll be nice low impact workout. But only if I'm up to it.

So I got an e-mail back from this school in Prague that I sent an application to on Tuesday. Now I need to give them a call to schedule an interview sometime in the next couple of weeks. I can't believe that this is almost done. Once I have the interview in a couple of weeks, then I will be for certain if I'm going or not. I told Kuba that I'm going to fill out the application, go through the interview and if it's meant to be then everything will go smoothly. So I have one more thing to do and if that goes well, then I guess I'm going! I have been doing so much research on this that I'm ready to go now!!! Not really, I have to save some money before I can get out there. I will be leaving sometime mid-July and get done with the course mid-August and then will start to look for a job. You don't know how excited I am. :)

Time to take a shower.

Have a great day everyone!!!

Tuesday was a sick day....

2005-01-25T19:54:00.000-08:00

Last night before I went to bed, I said, "I feel like I'm getting sick". Well I woke up this morning and I was right. I had a headache, my body was sore and I had a cough. Needless to say, I stayed home from work. I needed it I tell ya. I ended up getting the flu and was sleeping all day. I just took some pain medication and now I feel much better as far as my headache goes. I just ate and drank some water. My fever just broke so I'm sweating now. I have off tomorrow too just to make sure. So today was a sick day for me.

Steve, you left a good comment and I'll respond right now while I'm feeling better. Kuba and I have only been dating for a couple of months now so I'm not sure you can say we love each other. I guess I haven't really talked about this, maybe i have I'm not sure. Kuba doesn't feel the same for me as I do for him right now. I'm more into him that he's into me. I guess it's fine and I know that he's been hurt in the past so it's hard for him to open up to someone. So it sucks and I do wish that he felt the same for me. It gets frustrating for me to keep this going knowing that it's more like a one-sided thing if that makes any sense. To be honest, I'm not sure why I'm keeping this going, he's not even sure that he's going to stay in the states after his internship. But now I have plans to teach English in Europe so I'm not going to plan my life around him because he's not sure of his situation. No he's not going to Europe with me but he may end up there after his internship depending on where he finds a job. Who knows. So I guess in the mean time I'm going to stay with him and see where it goes. I'm not going to keep my hopes up that's for sure. One thing that I did tell him last night is that American men suck. So if it doesn't work out between Kuba and I, I'm going to find me a European man :)

I've been in a long term relationship (almost 5 years) that almost resulted in me getting married. We were engaged and about 3 months before the wedding, I called it off. This was about 4 years ago now?? Wow, time just flies. I'm telling you now, I will never make that mistake again. So anyways, I'm not sure why I just wrote that. Well, I guess your comment was about experience. Love is a great thing when it's with the right person. I really can't wait to share that again. The whole, I'll do anything for this person because I love him this much. You know I could feel this way with Kuba and I've already started to feel something for him as far as love goes, but I wouldn't say that I love him yet. Since we don't have mutual feelings about our relationship, it's hard for me to reach that point right now. It's so weird because the other day, I was telling him what I liked about him and he was also feeling the same with me. It's funny because we've only been together for a short amount of time and I feel like we've been dating forever. Our relationship moved really quick in a short amount of time and yet we didn't even notice or care. It feels comfortable. So I don't know. I guess I'm just feeling like spilling my guts today....so there you have it!!!! :)

Have a great night!

Sunday

2005-01-23T19:22:00.000-08:00

Today wasn't too eventful. Kuba and I went to some lakes and took some pictures using our manual camera's. It was pretty fun. I'm hoping that my pictures turn out better than my Christmas pictures did. I took about 3 rolls and less than half turned out. ARG. Oh well, practice makes perfect right?

'You don't know what it's like, baby you don't know what it's like, to love somebody, to love somebody, the way I love you' I'm listening to that song right now by the Bee Gees. :) What a great song. I mean seriously, to have someone love you that much....wow.... I'm still waiting for that to come in my life. But who knows when it's going to come.

Today I went home to take pictures of my personal belongings to sell before I go. I could use the money now so I thought that I should get started. It's beginning to be more real. I still need to fill out my application before it gets too late. I should fill it out before I start selling everything....that might be a good idea. :)

I'm just rambling so obviously I don't have too much to talk about today.

Goodnight!

Czech Republic here I come!!!!!

2005-01-22T23:58:00.000-08:00

So I called my dad today and told him what I was up as far as teaching english in the Czech Repbulic goes. He was fine with it and I couldn't believe it. You know it's not that I have to get his 'okay' in the matter, but I just wanted to have his support. Now that I do, I think I'm going to move forward. I'm still trying to decide on what school to go to.....it's so hard to make the decision when there's so many different offers out there. The prices are pretty much the same. I just want to make the right decision.

So I figured out my expenses today and I will be fine after I sell all of my belongings and stop putting into my 401k. So I'm excited about all of this and can't wait to get started on all the paper work.

All is well as far as Kuba and I go. I'm just going to not worry about anything any more. I'm going to distant my self emotionally for a while because I don't want to get too attached. It's going to be hard to do considering that I'm with him all the time. I can't help it. I swear I'm addicted to him, for some reason I can't not see him. But that's how I am in relationships. I don't need a lot of 'me' time because work gives me enough of that. I like to spend my time with the person that with. You may think I'm crazy because many do, but I think I'm just a dedicated person. As my sister-in-law says, "you are all or nothing" :) Yes I am. There is nothing wrong with him as a person, but I just wish he was at the same spot as me emotionally because I really think that we could have something really good. We have something good, but not really good.

I'm really tired now so I'm going to bed.

Hope you all have a great night!!!

Can't sleep

2005-01-20T23:16:00.000-08:00

Hello, I can't sleep. I'm pretty sure I know why I can't sleep. I have way too much on my mind right now. I'm thinking all day every day about the teaching English in CZ. I really want to do it and am super excited about it when ever I look it up online. There's just so much to think about before going. Today I was figuring out my expenses and I think I'm going to be able to afford the class and plenty of money left over at the end. Which is nice because I was reading on forums that I should have at least two thousand dollars in reserve. I think I'll be able to do that. I was also looking up apartments online to see how much they would cost. It's crazy, they are around two-hundred to three-hundred US dollars. Yet when I look up to see how much I'm going to make, it's around three to seven hundred. I think I'm going to make sure that I have well over enough money saved just to make sure.

I'm trying to think about what else I have been thinking about. Oh...there's two certificated that I can get, one is the TEFL and the other is the CELTA. They are both 'how to teach English' classes however when I read about them on the forums the TEFL gets a bad rap. So I'm not sure what I should be taking. I still am doing research on this so hopefully I'll know soon!

Alright goodnight, I'm done for now......I'm hoping I can get to sleep because it's 12:30am!!!!

I'm very emotional today

2005-01-19T17:58:00.000-08:00

I've been researching all of this teaching English stuff today while I was at work and it was getting me excited. Now I'm sitting here, it's 8pm, and I'm writing my pros and cons and I'm now coming to the realization that I'm going to be leaving everything behind for this experience. These things include my dad with whom I have a close relationship with, my brother and his family which includes my nephew Marek(almost 2yrs old), my friends and everything else that I have established here.

But on the other hand, I'm going to be gaining so much when I go to Prague, if I get accepted. I'm going to be gaining cultural experience and awareness, friends and teaching experience, which is what I have been wanting to do since I graduated college. I'm also going to be able to explore an area of the world that I have only wondered about. If I don't go now then I'm not sure that I'll ever go. I'm more motivated now that I have been in the past to go out of my comfort zone.

Okay, that's out......whew..thanks for listening.....please comment and let me know what you think I should do.

You'll never guess!!!

2005-01-19T15:02:00.000-08:00

Okay, are you ready to hear about my big life change? About a month ago, Kuba and I were talking about what I want to do with my life because my current position isn't exactly what I saw myself doing after I graduated college. So I was talking about how I really want to teach but there are not opportunities out there....so he brought up teaching English in Europe. He knows people that have done this sort of thing that could give me advice. So....the days went on and it crossed my mind a couple more times....finally...last week I really started to look into it and found some really cool programs. I'm going to be moving to Prague, hopefully, to take a month long program that will get me a certificate to teach English. Then, I’ll get a FT job teaching which has been my long-a-waited goal :)

So that's it…My life change that I'm going to make in September 2005. This isn't a definite thing yet, I still have to fill out the application and see if I get accepted. I don't think I'll have a problem because I do have a BS in Elementary Education. Cross your fingers!

I'm scared yet excited. I haven't told my family that I'm going to do this because they are going to put a lot of pressure on me that I don't really want right now. I think I'm going to wait until I get accepted and then drop the news. By then, I'll everything all figured out and will be able to give them the full details so they don't think I'm just leaving on a whim...ya know?? Whew...that felt good to get it out. I've told 4 people about this so far and it's hard to keep it in!!!!

Yes, everything is good in my world of Kuba. I've had my downs about everything, but someone just told me today to give him some time. I guess what all of you don't know is that he's been hurt by 2 people in his past so it's hard for him to open up. I completely understand where he's coming from because I've been there before. It's really hard to trust someone again with your heart because it could get hurt again. It was very hard for me to open up again, and I'm not fully open yet either, but I think more so than Kuba is and that's why it's difficult for me. I can't be selfish nor should I wait forever. We are very open about all of this so we both know where each other is coming from. I'm very glad for that because I would just be a mess if I didn't know and kept it inside. Last night we started to have a conversation about addiction on some subject and ended up never having it. I was thinking the other day that I feel like I'm addicted to him. Okay, I'm opening up a subject that I'm not sure I want to discuss right now. This is getting too long for me.

40 more minutes of work then off to work out!!

Goodnight!

Much better!

2005-01-16T16:14:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning in hopes that when I got out of bed I could walk better than yesterday. My hopes were right! Today I felt much better than yesterday, however my butt still hurts, but just a bit. Kuba and I are going to be leaving soon to work out and I think I'm going to take it easy. I was playing basketball yesterday and somehow I pulled something. So that's how I hurt myself. Today I'm going to do the eliptical machine. If you haven't tried that, you should. It a great low impact workout. It's like running but better!

Okay, nevermind going and working out, the skyway is closed and it's really cold outside...so we turned around and went back to his apartment. I was really bummed because I was looking forward to working out tonight. OH well...Tomorrow morning we are getting up at 6am to work out.....and I have a new work out plan that I'm going to be doing for 1 month. I'm excited to get going on this.

Enought about that....I'm going to get going because I'm going to get to bed early.

Goodnight!

Jan 15th 2005

2005-01-15T21:53:00.000-08:00

Wow, can you believe that it's 2005? I sure can't. It's going to be 2010 before you know it. Wow, what will I be doing in the year 2010. I'm hoping that something good will happen, maybe be married with my first child? Or just married? I'm hoping that something exciting happens because if I'm at the same point in my life as I am right now I'm not going to be happy.

A friend of mine called me this evening and asked Kuba and I to go to some music thing. We ended up going and had a good time. We both drank a glass of red wine which was excellent. The only bad part of it was that be had to put it on our food log. It was about 80 calories at night which isn't good. But I thought forget about it, it's a once in a while thing...not that big of a deal. I didn't eat a whole lot of calories today for some reason, but I think it was okay. We didn't do a whole lot today other than play basketball. Speaking of that, I pulled a muscle in my butt today. Not really walking to well after that and probably won't be for the next couple of days. Tomorrow I'm going to take it easy and swim instead of doing anything vigorous.

So that was my boring day in a nutshell. Not to much happened.

Have a great night!

Tonight.....

2005-01-14T21:37:00.000-08:00

So I went to a hockey game tonight with Kuba....it was fun but also irritating all at the same time. So I'm sitting there at the hockey game that I bought the tickets to AND that I drove to mind you, and I'm noticing that he's looking around...so I look around to see what's so interesting...come to find out he's checking out these other women. So I was getting irritated and I just turned to him later and said, "you know, you should just go and talk to them if you are staring that hard"....he acted as if he didn't know what I was talking about. So anyway, the game was over and we drove back to his place and of course I made another comment about someone that we passed by in the car.

So we got back to his apartment and I brought it up and asked him if he would like it if I did that to him....of course the answer was no....but guys don't think before they do. So he apologized for it which was fine, but sometimes it just too late, what's done is done. So I accept it, but words are nothing without action.

Kuba and I have only been dating for about 1 month and a half now and I find it very interesting to see the relationship grow whether it's into something promising or if it's something that will die away. But when you first meet someone, there is just nothing wrong with the person at all, they are perfect, but then as the relationship matures a bit more, true colors start to come out. The 'real' you or you significant other starts to come out and you get to see what they are REALLY like. But that's not all.....as years go on, you are still learning new things about that person....so it never really ends....I'm wondering how you will ever know if it's the 'right' person if both keeps changing year to year. I'm not just thinking of my current situation, this is just a general situation that I believe we all think about at one point or another. Hmmmmm let me think about this a bit more. It's about midnight now and I'm getting really tired.

Goodnight!

1 more hour.....

2005-01-11T14:40:00.000-08:00

Well, there's about one more hour of work left and I'm out of here! Not that I don't enjoy my co-workers but it tends to be a long day working from 9-6. Last night we went to a Timberwolves game and it was awesome! They lost to the Lakers last night, but I'm not too worried because I don't follow basketball. So not a big deal to me. Now, I am upset over the Packers losing because that's my team. I can't believe that they lost....especially to a team that the previously lost to twice....arg....

Kuba and I are going to be working out starting tonight. We are buying a memebership to the YMCA which I'm excited to start doing. All throughout my life I have played sports, basketball and soccer where my favorites, and now I'm turning into a couch potato. So....I'm excited to get back into shape. I'm hoping I'll get some energy back that I have lost by not doing anything.

HA, get this....I bought TiVo a while ago and I didn't even know that the service was gone, because I went to just having a cell phone, until this past weekend. Guess how long it's been like this??? Since Dec 12th....I guess that goes to show how much time I have been spending at my own place. I thought that was funny....so I'm thinking that I'm going to be cancelling that one very soon.

Okay, enough typing for now, I'm really not in the typing mood....I'll probably write more tonight.

What a great day.....

2005-01-08T21:23:00.000-08:00

Today turned out to be a great day. Well, last start with last night. I didn't end up seeing my bf because he wanted the night to get things done at his place. Which turned out to be for the better because I had to get things done myself. I had to do laundry, clean and just refocus on my life since it's been with my bf for the past month. So I ended up watching part of a movie before my eye lids started to close.

This morning I got up and took my time getting ready. All I was missing was a cup of coffee to start my day. It was great. I finally went to pick up....lets call him Kuba for short....Kuba.....so I got there and ended up waiting for 15 min for him to come down. I even called him when I was 5 minutes from his place. ARG. Oh well, it all worked out. We ended up going to the science museum then coming back to my place to eat. We actually had our first fight tonight. It was interesting to see, after the fact, how it went. No yelling just talking and maybe some stern talking. But the interesting thing was, I've has this exact same arguement with my ex and it just went round and round in circles because he never saw my point. Kuba did and it was nice. So it didnt' end up turning in to this huge deal.

The fight was about me doing things for him because I genuinely care and about him wanting me to do something for him because it's exciting to him. If that makes any sense at all. For example....tonight I sat with him through pictures and the history of his hometown. Which was fine, I really did enjoy looking and learning about his things. But then I went and got ONE picture and showed it to him and he was very uninterested. Which pissed me off because I just sat here for about an hour and you can't even give me two minutes. So that was it....something so simple turned into something bigger. So anyway.....

Overall, the day and night was great.

-Christina

It's Friday!!!

2005-01-07T14:30:00.000-08:00

This is my first time ever writing a blog. I got the idea from a co-worker of mine who let me in on her blog that she just started this year. While reading it, I thought what a great way to get everything out in the open without feeling like it's going to hurt someone.

Before I actually started to type, I had all of these things that I wanted to say and now I'm feeling a bit on the shy side. I'm feeling weird that all of my inner most feelings are going to come out for any one person to read. That itself is intimidating.

Today I woke up to my boyfriend next to me, which by the way is a great feeling. We've been dating since Nov 27th and I feel like I've known him my whole life. It's weird how things click between us. Mabye this is the one???? Time can only tell. So anyway, I decided that I was going to lay in bed for a bit longer than normal because I didn't feel like leaving his side. So at 8am I finally got up and raced home. I didn't get a chance to take a shower, got dressed, pulled my hair back and left for work. I don't know about you, but I really need my showers in the morning otherwise I just don't feel right all day....

Speaking of work....I'm an educated person with a teaching degree and I'm working as a receptionist for a software company. What is wrong with this picture?? Well, I am currently working on finding a new job that better suits me but it's going to take a while. This is very frustrating, but it'll all work out in the end.

Oh well....I'm done writing for now, maybe I'll add more later. I know this is a lame entry but give me some time to get used to this being out there.

Have a great night everyone!